it's my life, dang it! live your own! stop telling me how to live mine! it's not your business! i am an adult... believe it or not... i am. you can either accept that and move on or not. i don't care.
i want you to know, however, that whichever you choose will determine the outcome of our relationship. i don't have to come home. i don't have to tell you things. and trust me, if i continue to be hurt, i will not do those things. i am an adult! like it or not. so get over it already.
i'm ready to grow up. let me!!! i'm not a little girl any more. i make my own decisions. i do, i will, and i have to. you have no place-no right-to make those decisions for me anymore.

Dad,
I'm changing. I'm growing up. I'm not your little girl anymore. Oh how I wish you could understand and accept that! I love you with all my heart, and want only to please you... But lately I feel like I can't. I try though! Do I ever try!!
Please try to be happy for me. Please support me! I need you more than ever right now. I need to hear you tell me that everything is going to be fine. I need you to hold me when I cry.
And yet, I don't need those things... Those are the things I am trying to grow out of. I will forever be your daughter, but I cannot forever be your little girl. I must grow up sometime, you know.

Dear Herb,
You were my very first friend. You were one of the first people I ever laid eyes on. You brought flowers for me when I was born, but the nurses wouldn't let me have them, so you gave them to mom instead. How sweet! You always did love to give me stuff! Anything I wanted, you'd do your best to get for me. Remember the flamingo feather I wanted? Or how about the miniature American flag? And I always felt so lucky when you would help me with my homework so that we could play. What great memories!
You were also my hero. Did you ever know that? You must have... I looked up to you so much! I wanted to be just like you someday! You were big and bad! No one could beat you!
Of course, those illusions faded with time. In many ways, I feel that this is most unfortunate. However, I know that they had to. You see, Herbie, we are very different people. I'm the shy, studious one, while you're the outgoing, rambunctious one. Oh how I longed to be just like you!
I realize now that I am happy to be the way I am. In fact, I'd much rather be me than you. Pretty sad, huh? It is to me. It's not a fun thing to see your hero fall, you know. To see the person you love and respect more than life itself disrespect you and others you love is not a pleasant thing at all.
I wish you could see what you were doing to us. You are breaking our hearts. Why do you not care anymore?

Dear Patrick,
I never thought there were guys out there like you...not in our generation at least. I thought all guys near my age were rude and crass. Until I met you, that is. You are such a gentleman! And you're always seeking God's will in your life ahead of your own. In fact, your will is to have His will fulfilled in your life. I must say, these qualities are not found in many guys these days. And for you to be intelligent and handsome on top of it! Wow. What a guy you are.
I know you know how I feel about you. I know you're not looking for a relationship right now. Neither was I...until I met you. I am so glad that we are friends! Even if we are never anything more, I have been so blessed to simply know you.
Truly Yours,
me

Hopelessness. Pure and utter hopelessness. That's what depression feels like. I never thought I'd ever experience this feeling.
I'm a very optimistic and energetic person. I'm actually one of those people who can accidentally drive others crazy because of my energy and perkiness.
I haven't been myself lately, though. I sleep a lot... In fact, all I want to do is sleep... I eat a lot whenever I actually eat, but I skip meals a lot because I don't feel like getting up and getting something... I live simply because my body is still functioning... I'm not really living, though. I look about me, and instead of seeing beauty, I see dreariness.... I try so hard to remember what it used to be like... I try so hard to transform my views... But I can't.
My glass is half-empty. It never was before! But it is now.
The only thing that gets me through is my faith. If I didn't know without a shadow of a doubt that this is God's will and that He will work it out well, I don't know what I would do...

Amazingly, it's worse than I thought it was. He's in more debt than I know... He's in more debt than even he knows, I think. My dad and he got into a fist fight this morning. My dad is a pacifist. He would spank us when we were young if and only if we really deserved it, but he never hit one of us. My brother is a very laid back person.... I can't imagine either of them ever fighting anyone, much less each other! This is breaking our hearts. I don't know what to do.

My brother is moving back home. "That's nice," you may be thinking... Think again!
Don't get me wrong. I love my brother! In fact, he was always my hero growing up. He was my first friend. He is hugely important to me.
However, I am not happy that he is moving back in. He is 23, and trying very hard to ruin his life. He is up to his ears in bills that he is not paying, and he comes in drunk every Saturday night. The only reason he goes to church is because he owes my dad money, and part of the agreement of the loan was that he had to go to church until he paid it back. (Now don't go thinking I'm about to shove the Bible down your throats...I'm not! I do, however, feel that church provides a strong moral basis in life.)
If he and my parents are in the same room, there is much commotion. They just can't seem to not argue... I guess because he seems to want to ruin his life and they don't want him to.
My home is going to become stressful again. I hate that.

Life. What an interesting thing, eh? Mine is quite blessed, I must admit. It is not, however, perfect by any stretch of the imagination.
This is my place to bare my soul. This is my place to let go and be myself. Here I will cleanse my conscience and my soul of all the filth that accumulates there. Here is where I let my hair down.
Not interesting to you? That's cool. I am making this site for myself. If, by some odd chance, you enjoy what you read, please come back. Enjoy my site to your heart's content. If, however, you do not like what you see, then leave. There is no obligation to let me know exactly why you don't like my site... Really, I don't care.
This is me. Like it or not.